I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
