you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
