my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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