I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
