When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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