I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
