Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
