yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
