I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
