Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
