imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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