you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
