He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
