you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You can't just leave with hair like that
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
