Having a random hookup so left but love u
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
