there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
