so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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