I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
