So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
