Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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