You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
