I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
