When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize