me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
