We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you never un-have a 4some
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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