i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
God, I missed his penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
