the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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