you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize