don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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