I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize