hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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