What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
