never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
