Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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