he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
