Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize