Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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