Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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