I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
