I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize