I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
