All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
