Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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