I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
