HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize