You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize