totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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