the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
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