I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
