Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
