she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Two words: nipple clamps
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