just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there's paper in my vomit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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