Need sex. Gaining weight.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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