is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
