if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
