we're blogging at a bar
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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