Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
