i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
