Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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