when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
