First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
