I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Boobs are out for the taking
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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