Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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