I'm so fucking centered right now
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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