I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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