Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
