He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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