I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
