You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
