If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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